January 28 2008, The Smiling General is gone. After almost one month in critical condition, Soeharto passed away. What makes it special is; he’s the man that ruled Indonesia for 32 years after Soekarno. In 2007, United Nation announced that Soeharto is the most corrupted president in the world ever, and not long after that news, Indonesian court winning Soeharto accusation over Time magazine that made report about Soeharto corruption.

I knew the news 2 hours after formal announcement on TV. I woke up and switched the TV on, and there was the news about it. I just said to myself; well, it’s about the time. I turn off the TV, and go back sleep again. Lazy day. 3 hours later, I woke up and switch the TV again. Now is the news about the body is taken home by family to Cendana street, the most famous street in Indonesia. It’s the street where Soeharto and family live.

I took my first meal that day. Make myself a cup of coffee. Fighting a bit with my wife about how fucked up my life is. And sit down in front the TV. Again. And now are almost all channels showing the history of Soeharto. Not so surprising actually, unless this kind of show is already screened even long time before he died. With exactly same content, the program was showing how Soeharto to do good for the country. Over and over. Sometime with ‘poetical’ narration about his epos life journey to make Indonesia became good. No, become really goddamn good.

This program was alternately with the latest news of his funeral preparation. Indonesia was busy for this. Last time I watched this kind of situation was when Indonesia fall down because of economy crisis in 1997. I felt it was the end of our country. Like there was no chance at all for us to survive. I remember my parents were so depressed because of it. Last words that coming from them was; we don’t know how to afford our children education if the situation is going on like this. I almost said to them; well mom and dad, I’ll be so bloody happy if you’re not sending me to school anymore. I’m just having enough. But off course I didn’t tell that.

There was live report from Astana Giribangun, Solo, Central Java. The place where Soeharto will be buried. There was a narration telling that Soeharto is should be buried at National Hero Cemetery, a proper way to respect the ex president of Indonesia. But his heart is too generous. He was a big heart man because he want to be simply buried next to his wife in Astana Giribangun, that to be honest, the location itself is more luxurious than the National Hero Cemetery.

I decided to follow all news about Soeharto funeral. I watched every single channel and news about it on TV. I don’t why I’m getting excited about it. I want to know how the mighty power creating our history through media, especially TV. I want to know, what could be happen in future when the history written as the mighty power wants it to be written.

The day when the body was carried to Solo, as I watched on TV, thousands of people standing on the street to watch the group that carrying the body. They were standing, patiently, in respect. Old, young, and baby. The news reporter was coming to the people, interviewed them why they are there. What is the motivation?

“Well, I want to give last honour to our leader. He was a generous, big heart, dignified person. He talked with common people like me. He always smiles. I saw it on TV”.

“He was a great leader. When he was the president, nothing was expensive. Not like now. I don’t mean to disrespect our government now, but they should learn from him. When he ruled this country, there was no disintegration in this country. I always watched him on TV”.

“I’m very sad to losing him. We lost our great leader. He ruled this country for 32 years and he was doing it good. I don’t why people hate him so much. They should realize that the situation was better when he ruled this country. I hope his children can continue his work”.

I kept following over and over. All channels, all programs, all news, they are in the same core. Well sometime, the narration telling something like:

“Off course, as human being, Soeharto can made mistakes. But we should see him not only from one side. There are many things that we have to admit as good achievement of Soeharto era.

Ok, I guess it can’t be further than this. But I am totally wrong. Like a scenario that already written before, all TV stations try to capture people impression about Soeharto. Not only common people, but also elite politician even celebrities. And all of them are talking in the same core.

The night is over. I close my eyes a bit. Try to think what I would say if somebody asks me about Soeharto. I was born and grew up in his era. I remember my teacher was mad at me because I said that ‘Demokrasi Pancasila’ is a boring. She obligated me to following patriotic lesson for a week, which was I refused. Then she discharged me from her class, which was make me really happy. So, I kept continue to say ‘Demokrasi Pancasila’ is a broing. But then she knows my trick, so she called my parents. I got beaten by my father. That was how I start to hate ‘Demokrasi Pancasila’ and my father.

Morning news! A cup of coffee and kretek. I switched the TV on again, and it was getting worst. There was a news, a high school in Bali make a special ceremony in order to remember Soeharto. It was more special because a student made a tearfull poem about Soeharto. She said she got the inspiration from her parents, when they told her the days when Soeharto was a president; Indonesia was such peaceful, strong, powerful country. Nothing was expensive, and life was so easy.

A kindergarten made same special ceremony. Organized by the teachers, they make a brief history of Soeharto for these 5 years old students. Put Soeharto picture, telling them how great he was. And more, the TV journalist interviewed the kid, asking them about Soeharto. One kid told to the journalist, he is sad that the father of this nation is passed away.

I finished my coffee. I was thinking that I should watch some porn movies to rest my brain. A friend was asking me how I feel about this situation. Do I happy? Or sad? How are the NGO’s people, the opposite group of Soeharto reacting? Well, I tell you my dear. I am neither happy nor sad. Most of people that hate Soeharto are also selling the drama.

I just worry. I am very worry for the future of this nation. I am worry how media and the power constructing our history. I am worry for the next 5 years, all the books in the school will tell that Soeharto is the hero, and his way ruled this country is the solution for our problems. I am worry to having those idiots on the parliament. I am worry to find the fact, there are schools roof falling down and hit the students head. Bleeding and died. I am worry to be part of this.